Man this Friday will be seven weeks of sickness. My doctor diagnosed me with hyperemesis gravidarum. Having this diagnosis gave me freedom. Freedom from feeling guilt so heavy for failing so miserably at everything except laying in bed and going to the bathroom to throw up. It emotionally drained me. I ENJOY being active and productive and serving my family and others by cooking and cleaning and errands and investing in others and when all that is taken away it feels like your purpose is taken away. Will is sweet to gently remind me my only job right now is growing this new babe. It allowed me to look on Instagram and blogs and see how other women went through this and were DEPRESSED because it's depressing to feel like you are losing months of you family's lives and events. I didn't have the energy or ability or even read a book or give a bath. I spent 23 hours a day in bed. It gave me freedom to not feel this need to say "I'm so sick but at least I can be pregnant" no! It's okay to just be miserable and sick and not apologize or be grateful. Not to say you aren't thankful for this sweet new life. But you don't need to "feel" thankful during every deep, dark moment of misery. It's okay to be depressed. The sweet end to this for me as that the medicine works! Zofran took me from throwing up 20 times a day to throwing up 5 times a week. It kept me hydrated and out of the hospital. And I'm getting these pockets of time, these 2-3 hours of time that I can be out of bed playing with my kids, helping with chores, feeling human again. I'm 12 weeks tomorrow and praying complete relief comes soon. Our doctor gave us the option to have blood work done to show us gender, babies DNA, any abnormalities, etc so we did the sonogram today and will get the results soon. The technician said "I think it's a boy but don't hold me to it!" We are thrilled and can't wait to find out for sure. I needed to know the gender this early this time! I need to bond with this baby. I have felt so distant during this pregnancy. With Liam and Penelope I was really sick, and I think some of it you forget but I know it wasn't this bad, living in bed.
So totally switching gears! Maryland. We moved to a suburb of DC in Maryland on October 1st. We sold our home in Saratoga Woods in Louisville KY. When we bought that house we bought it as an investment. We got it for a steal and it needed a lot of love! Will put his blood sweet and tears in it and it caught on fire! Our world fell apart and stopped all at the same time. Little did we know it would be one of the worst and best things to ever happen to us. The housing market in DC is double what it is in Louisville! How could we afford a home there? The money we made on the house in Louisville allowed us to get into a home and neighborhood we LOVE here! We joke that we were praying about Maryland and God said "I'll set their house on fire to get them there." And it isn't funny, it's serious. 9 months have gone by and not one day has passed that we haven't said the words fire or insurance. It's literally rebuilding your life. While we didn't lose everything, we lost most of it. Its just been overwhelming facing all of these events in a year. But what a blessing! We have grown! And grown! And grown some more! Personally, in our marriage, in our faith. Challenge is a blessing. Change is a blessing. It's rough and hard and good for us! I feel like when Liam was born premature, Will and I grew up that week. We went from kids to adults. Not knowing if your child will live changes you. Then seeing God grow and heal their little body changes you some more. It makes you not care about anything, anything at all. It doesn't make me perfect. But I'm grateful for what it did to my heart. Anyways, while we had challenges since he was born, nothing really rocked my world, I mean it would be "little and normal stuff" I can't really think of an example but I guess that shows it was nothing major. Until the fire. And while I still want my house to be cozy and welcoming and pretty and I still like Tory Burch ;) I know that tomorrow my house could burn down and it wouldn't matter. What matters is Jesus and Will and Liam and Penelope and this sweet 12 week old "boy but don't hold me to it"
We love it in Maryland. Will loves his job, Liam and Penelope are flourishing. I'm ready for routine and deeper friendships and just functioning as a human but I know it's a good situation for us. The church has been so generous and kind and welcoming especially since I have been sick.
Thanksgiving is in three days! Cheers to family and friends, yummy food and grateful hearts!
